That is when I realized the blogging, for me, won't be "just for fun" but a fantastic outlet for me to say what I want to say, express what I am thinking, what I am feeling, and mostly importantly - journal my memories and experiences as a mom. Not everything I say, write about, express, etc., is about being a mom, however, when you are a mom, even when it isn't specifically targeting mom related things, its a mom related thing.
Moms are moms 24/7. You can change your style, you can change your career, you can even change your husband, but after you choose to bring a baby into this world and tackle the most incredible thing called motherhood, you are forever that person. Not to say we aren't still individuals, not to say we don't still have it in us to get a little crazy, let loose, and pretend we are still 21 with abs of steel and a burning desire to dance on the bar tops, however, mommies are mommies always.
I once had someone tell me that "not every status update needed to be about my children"... and for some time this bothered me. I really let it get to me. I sat, pondering if I had lost myself. Wondering if I had become a boring ole hag with nothing to offer this world but bottle slinging, butt wiping and dinner making. Surely not. I consoled myself with simple reminders, such as my ability to get stains out of anything, the ability to multitask better than just about anyone else I know. I reminded myself that I can whip up dinner, help get homework done, get kids bathed all while checking that days mail, making lunches for tomorrow, and of COURSE, Facebooking about it. :-)
Then it hit me. No, no I will not stop posting constantly about kid related things. Parent related events. PTO related stories. The list goes on. These kids ARE MY WORLD. They ARE everything I am. I don't know what I was worth before they came along, and I can assure you no matter what I was, it was nothing compared to parenting these four amazing children. I wipe a lot of snotty noses, I change a lot of diapers, I clean up a lot of messes and I do perform maid like duties all day long. But I also feel my heart jump for joy at the sight of their smiles. When my kids win an attendance award or make the honor roll, I feel as if I, myself, am winning an award. When I hear my kids tell a stranger "thank you" or a friend "bless you" or each other "I love you", my heart more than melts. It pitter-patters. It smiles.
There is nothing in this world I would rather do, or talk about, than this right here. Playing maid, playing tutor, playing chef... being mommy. It is a wild ride. It can be exhausting. It can feel reward less some days. There are moments you cry tears of frustration and you feel like a failure and those moments are not easy to swallow.. they hurt... they stick. But those moments, the ones that come more often than anything, the moments I wish I had time to write every single one of them down or even better get them on video, those moments where your child looks at you with a smile on their face, and you can see the happiness in their eyes, hear it in their voice, those moments are breathtaking. The moments where your child accomplishes something they have worked so hard for, and they run to tell you before anyone else, because they feel so much reassurance you will be as ecstatic for them as they are themselves. Those moments where they are carrying along with each other, playing together, getting along, and you feel an overload of joy in your heart that you must be doing something right, an accomplishment for yourself. The list of these moments, I could take all day to list. The happiness they bring my heart can not be explained with words.
I love my role as a mother. I prefer absolutely nothing over it. I cherish it. I relish in it. I feel blessed by God in the biggest of ways. I look at each of my babies, and melt.
That being said - now I am ready to blog. To blog about the good. Blog about the bad. Blog about the in-between. I am ready to blog when I am happy. Blog when I am sad. Blog when I feel defeated. Blog when I want to brag. (I am not "that mom". but I do have quite a bit to brag on these kids about ... Okay, maybe I am that mom :-)
I can not promise I will word everything right. I do not feel confident anyone will even want to read it. The things I will write about may be entirely irrelevant to anyone else's
:-)
